The Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living - learning how to say "no"

This lesson in the Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living is based on the following organized living right.

You have the right to say no, and not have to apologize for doing so

Believing in your right to be able to say no becomes especially important when you are trying to control your time, your space, or your stuff!

It is only by saying no that you can be in control how much stuff comes in to your place or how many things you have to do!

Saying no works.... but you have to believe in your right to say it without feeling guilty or apologizing to others. If you are constrained by beliefs that suggest you cannot or should not say no it is very difficult to develop the positive attitude necessary to carry it off successfully.

The Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living suggests that you examine the constraining beliefs that prevent you from saying no. Some possibilities are offered on this chart. Which ones do you recognize as your beliefs?

As indicated on the Positive Attitude Tips page, negative attitudes are based on constraining beliefs. It is affirming beliefs that form the basis for the positive attitude tips.

constraining beliefs	positive attitude tips based on affirming beliefs
If I say no others will get angry at me.	Every one has the right of refusal. Others may view this in either a positive, negative, or neutral way, but I believe in this right not only for myself but for others as well.
If someone gets angry with me I will be devastated	Even if someone does get angry I can handle it without falling apart
I will hurt the other person’s feelings if I say “no”.	If I say no other people will know where I stand. They may be hurt but they might not be.
	I cannot be all things to all people.
	When a person asks you do do something they have to expect either a yes or no answer, so they cannot be surprised if the answer is no.

Why would I want to Say NO?!

You want to be able to say no because you want to be in control of your life, and in the context of organized living you want to be able to control your time, your space, and your stuff. You cannot implement the clutter control formula if you cannot control what comes into your space.

If you believe in your right to say no the next question is "How to say no?"

You want to be able to say no without feeling guilty, sounding mean, or hurting the other person's feelings.

Saying no is not easy but there are a few things you can do to make it a successful strategy for organizing your life.

The Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living offers the following tips for "how to say no".

Saying no to requests for your donation of time

"No thank you."
"Thank you for asking but I will decline that request."
"I will be declining at this time,,,,,,,,,,,but feel free to ask me next time." (only add the last part if you really mean it!)
"I can see why you need help with that but I cannot help you at this time."

Saying no to gifts

Gift giving is a cultural phenomena that often results in accumulation of items that you either do not need or do not want.

People feel obligated to give gifts when they are invited to attend a celebration such as a birthday, Christmas, or an anniversary.
If you are planning a celebration that is normally associated with gift giving and you really do not want any more stuff, the Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living offers the following strategies for "how to say no" to gifts.

On the party invitations:

request a donation to your favourite charity. Make sure to give the name and mailing address or website of the charity on the invitation.

ask people to bring a food bank donation instead of a personal gift

ask for donations of coats and blankets and then take the items to the local charity shop. This is especially appropriate if your celebration occurs just before the winter season.

OR just ask people to show up!

"We value your friendship and look forward to celebrating this special occasion with you. The gift of your presence is the only present required."

Saying no to yourself!

Don't forget if you are trying to control what comes into your space there may be times when you have to say "NO" to yourself!!

see the page on Purchase Decisions

Read more about Positive Attitude Tips for Organized Living

Go to Tips for How to be Assertive

Go back to the Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living Lesson #2 You have the right to abandon the responsibility for other people's stuff (OPS)

Go to the Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living Lesson #4 and explore the myths about multitasking and productivity.

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