Assertiveness Training for Organized Living - Lesson 1

Assertiveness training is a phrase that sometimes causes people to think of "standing up for yourself" or being "confrontational".

There are some individuals who are actually afraid of the words "assertiveness training"........are you?

If you are afraid of classes or training seminars on "how to be assertive" it could be that you do not understand what assertiveness actually is.

The following statements are sometimes used by individuals who think they are being assertive:

"I wasn't going to let him walk all over me."

"He thought he could get the best of me but I showed him."

"I'll show her a thing or two!"

These statements reflect an aggressive attitude and there is a big difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness!

The underlying values and beliefs of aggression and assertiveness are polar opposites.

Aggression	Assertion
Expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way that is inappropriate and violates the rights of others. Aggressive actions and attitudes are designed to control or influence another person through the overt use of power and are based on the underslying belief that might is right and the strong will win. This attitude suggests that in order to be a winner somone else must be a loser.	When you are acting assertively you are taking care of your own personal rights, needs, and responsibilities. The overall attitude is one of equality so that everyone's needs, and rights are respected. Assertive actions and attitudes are not designed to control others but are based on the belief that each individual can only control their own behaviour and they have the obligation to so.

Assertiveness training for organized living requires that basic fundamental values and beliefs are present:

I am an equal to all others that I interact with

I will recognize and protect the rights of others

I am not afraid to ask for my own needs to be met

I am reponsible for myself and I cannot control how others feel

Negative thoughts and feelings can be expressed in a healthy way

Criticism can be both given and received in a gracious manner

Conflict is not the end of the world but can be used to resolve differences and create growth

I can and should say no if that is what I am truly feeling

Tips for how to be assertive

Make eye contact
Look at the person most of the time. But, do not stare or glare.

Try to face the person directly. Stand or sit up tall, but try to have a relaxed posture. Remember that the person you are speaking with is more interesting than what is on the floor or what is out the window!

Don't get too close as that is intimidating. If you smell or feel the other person's breath, you are probably too close! Keep a comfortable distance.
Keep hand gestures to a minimum. Use hand gestures to add to what you are saying, but remember that you are not conducting an orchestra. Never use finger pointing or wagging when trying to be assertive. These are gestures of aggression not assertion.

Make sure your facial expressions are sincere and transmitting the same message as what you are actually saying verbally.

Your face should match your emotion and what you are saying. Don't laugh when you are upset and don't have a frown when you are happy. A relaxed, pleasant face is best when you are happy. A relaxed, serious face is best when you are upset.

Use a calm even tone of voice.

Go to the Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living lesson 2 and learn how to assert your right to abandon the responsibility for other people's stuff (OPS)

Go to Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living lesson 3 and learn how to say no in order to control your time, your space, and your stuff.

Go to the Assertiveness Training Guide for Organized Living lesson 4 and explore the myths about multitasking and productivity.

Return home from this explanation of Assertiveness Training for Organized Living

Assertiveness is nothing more than the ability to express your own thoughts, needs, and feelings while respecting and even protecting the rights of others.

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Susanna says

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Anyways...Just wanted to say thanks.

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